Authored By: Christopher Pearsall, RI Divorce Attorney
a.k.a. " The Rhode Island Divorce Coach ℠ "
If you believe divorce lawyers only work to get clients and make money then I will let you know you're wrong. At least you'd be wrong about this one.
Keeping a marriage together is work and that work involves both parties and being aware every day that each party in the marriage relationship has needs that need to be met.
It is when you start forgetting about the needs of the other person in the relationship and you start taking them for granted that a marriage may start to fail and fall on rocky ground. If you notice times of silence, times when you argue more and forget why you are arguing, times when you have a disagreement and you are wrong but you are not willing to admit that you were wrong and apologize to the person then you're hitting those rocky times.
Of course today is Valentine's Day. It is the day to celebrate love and relationships and be thankful for those around us who love us. It is more than just for lovers. It is a time that is best used by married couples or those in relationships to rekindle that love that first brought you together.
Personally, I'd rather spend a few hours to help a person realize they really aren't ready for a divorce and that their marriage is worth saving than I would taking 20 minutes and getting a signed agreement to represent a person and be handed a check for several thousand dollars. Why'? Because that's me. My goal is... has been... and always will be to get you to a better tomorrow.
If that better tomorrow is to give you some insights as to how to revive your marriage and lose a client then Fantastic! I'd rather lose the client. I don't want to see people getting divorced. I want to see them happy... whatever that may be and whatever the path is that they may need to get there. If it's divorce that they have to go through then I want to use my skills to take them through the process relatively easily and help them through it with as little expense and as little emotional turmoil as possible. Change is hard enough. The court system doesn't have to be a bitter fight for things that really don't matter in the end.
And frankly, when the love of the couple forms the very stability that a child born from the relationship relies upon then that poor child needs to be protected and attorneys should try to get these people through with as little animosity as possible to protect that child as well.
To this end, on Valentine's Day this year I wanted to rekindle my own relationship with my wife. Now I could have gone out and bought her a $5.00 card from Hallmark. Or I could have purchased a dozen roses as a customary token of a man's love for his wife. Or I might have purchased something that was engraved with something short and sweet that she might have appreciated.
Yet when you've heard "It's the thought that counts." I thought that was true of my wife. So later that night as she slept next to me I opened my computer and I just laid their and thought. I thought about the day we first met and how I felt. I thought about the emails we exchanged before we met. I thought about the first time I kissed her and how I couldn't concentrate on my work for several weeks because all I could think about was the warmth of her in my heart and how I could not wait to be with her again.
Then I thought of all the good times we've had and the bad times we've weathered in nearly 15 years. I thought of the Intensive Care Unit when she was hooked up to all kinds of tubes for breathing and eating and I thought she was going to die. I thought of the emergency surgery she needed on another occasion because she had a rare disease I discovered after many doctors had told her it was all in her head. I remember how I felt as she dwindled from 135 lbs down to 94 lbs and needed help walking because she was so weak.
As I laid next to her tears came to my eyes to think of all the joys and sorrows we shared together, sometimes on the verge of giving up and giving in. In that time, I remembered how to love and cherish her and so I began writing as my feelings seemed to gush out onto the computer screen.
And this is what came forth from my soul. I wrote it for her. I wrote it about her. I wrote it for us on this special day to cherrish her.
No bird could sing so majestic a melody as that which my heart plays when you are near;
I make no claim to be a magnificent poet. I am no Shakespeare nor a Cyrano DeBergerac hiding in the shadow to profess his love through another.
I am a simple man who in an evening took the time to appreciate my wife for all she is to me, for all she does for me, for everything my life has been with her in it. It is in something as simple as a poem that we cherish those we love and we give not from our wallets but from our very soul how we feel and how much we care.
It is this type of caring and appreciation that keeps romance and love alive. Love is like a plant. It needs sunshine. It needs water. It needs for the weeds that would kill it to be pulled out and away for its survival. We are each a plant, in need of that care not just on Valentine's day but every day, every month, when there is drought and when there is flood... making sure we get what we need to survive side by side with our kindred plant to help us remain strong.
I urge you on this Valentine's Day to remember your co-plant in this life. Remember that he or she needs care that is not always easy to see or hear. Yet if we close our eyes and ears to the fact that our co-plant has these needs, all it will do is wither and die.
Help you co-plant grow and flourish and you will find that you will do the same.
And by the way, she had me read what I wrote and she loved it. It wasn't expensive, it didn't look or smell pretty, but it was the water that she needed to know.... she is cherished. She is loved!
Happy Valentine's Day to All!
Authored By: Attorney Christopher Pearsall
Valentine's Day 2013