Rhode Island Divorce Tips

A common complaint of clients who come to me looking for second opinions is not simply that their divorce lawyers don't respond to their calls but that they don't explain what is going on in their case in a manner that is understood by them.

Most of the time this is preventable.  A divorce attorney merely needs to placehimself or herself in his client's position and then answer the questions he or she would want to know.

Yet some scenarios arise in divorce and other family law cases that are problematic for attorneys to explain to their clients.

Now you may be wondering, what kind of situation could possibly happen that an attorney couldn't explain to the client?

I'll give you the perfect hypothetical.

John Divorcex hires Attorney Robert Clements to represent him in his divorce.  Sheila Divorcex hires Attorney Clara Barns to represent her in the divorce proceeding.  

Attorney Clements files a Motion to get Emergency Placement of their minor daughter, Christine.  Attorney Clement's motion points out that Sheila has constant and severe anxiety attacks which place her in a condition so that she cannot properly care for their daughter.  

Shelia Divorcex is upset because even though she told her husband that Christine was better off with him, she doesn't want anything in writing in case she wants to change her mind.  So when John hired an attorney to make sure things were done right for his daughter, Sheila went off the handle and hired her own attorney. 

Attorneys are held to ethical requirements.  Yet, there shouldn't be a problem as long as the attorneys reasonably work out an agreement for their clients.

Now imagine that Attorney Barns and Attorney Clements discuss a short term solution to the emergency motion.  A solution is proposed by Attorney Barns. Attorney Clements brings the temporary solution to his client, discusses the pros and cons with Mr. Divorcex and the client approves it.  

Attorney Clements confirms the agreement as outlined by Attorney Barns via a fax to her immediately after speaking with John Divorcex.  

The next day Attorney Clements is out of the office.

However, it is not until Attorney Clements is able to check his voicemail later in the afternoon that he has a voicemail from Attorney Barns that she has a faxed proposal to him and it mentions a proposed change to the agreement.  Attorney Clements believes the fax must be the proposed order with the terms that were agreed upon.  Though Attorney Clements would not recommend the mentioned change to the agreement he would present it to his client.  However Attorney Clements is not immediately concerned.  

However, after reviewing additional voicemails, Attorney Clements discovers that Mrs. Divorcex is calling his client frantically, screaming at him, making strange demands, and becoming hysterical with him.  John needs to hear from Attorney Clements as soon as possible.

Attorney Clements is completely puzzled by Sheila's calls to John and her demands.  Attorney Clements tries to contact Attorney Barns on her cellular phone and leaves a voicemail when she doesn't pick up.  Attorney Clements then calls Attorney Barns' office.  Attorney Barns is out of the office.  Her legal assistant reads the fax to Attorney Clements.  The fax contains terms and conditions that were never presented to Attorney Clements or agreed upon by John Divorcex. 

However, the fax explains Sheila's demands.  Shiela Divorcex some how believes John is now reneging on an agreement that never existed.

* * * THE PROBLEM OUTLINED * * * 

Attorney Clements must now call John back and explain to John what is happening.  This is a greater difficulty than clients might understand.  

As an attorney and officer of the Rhode Island Supreme Court, Attorney Clements has an obligation to keep his client informed.  Generally speaking , Attorney Clements has an ethical obligation to avoid making statements that place Attorney Barns and the legal profession as a whole in a bad light.  

Yet the occurrence gives strong indication of what occurred.  Attorney Barns made an offer of temporary resolution which was accepted by Attorney Clement and his client.

Thereafter, Attorney Barns reneged on the accepted offer, unilaterally modified the offer and informed her client that the modified order was, in fact, an agreement. 

This action, would be seen by most as disreputable and misleading.  The attorney's actions have now caused additional and needless strife in a family matter as a result of Attorney Barns improper conduct.

* * * THE PROBLEM ITSELF * * * 

Without placing Attorney Barns or the legal profession in a poor light or violating his professional and ethical obligations, how does Attorney Clements honestly explain to John Divorcex what has occurred here?

This problem strikes at the heart of a troublesome matter, that another attorney and officer of the court has failed to honor an offer made and accepted and has modified the agreement may have represented to her client that it was as in Attorney Barns modified terms.

What is the problem itself?  

Dishonest and disreputable divorce attorneys unfortunately do exist.  As a result, additional unnecessary conflict is generated by their conduct whether it be as some sort of twisted leveraging mechanism in the family law proceeding, or perhaps simply to create more controversy in order to drag out a case and earn more fees.

The result in this hypothetical is that the attorney's actions have inflicted undue harassment on Attorney Clement's client and undue anxiety and unrealistic expectations upon   as a result of intentionally misinforming her own client.

In layman's terms the most basic and accurate explanation to John would be that Attorney Barns reneged on the agreement, changed it as she saw fit, and then lied to her client that Attorney Clement and John had agreed to the terms thereby causing Sheila to unnecessarily retaliate against John.

* * * TOO FREQUENT * * *

Regrettably this is not an isolated scenario in a family court case.  There are those Rhode Island Divorce Attorneys who use unprincipled, unethical, and immoral tactics in divorces and other family court matters presumably without the slightest consideration for the damage they cause to the families themselves all on the basis of "winning the case for their client, regardless of the cost."

My hope for the future is that attorneys will someday shed the black eye our noble profession has developed in the public eye.  Perhaps then, the public will once again see us as the defenders of the people.

Rhode Island Divorce attorneys occasionally forget to provide practical divorce and family law tips that isn't directly law-related but could protect their clients.

One divorce factor that is extremely helpful to understand is that divorce clients understand the destructive power of emotions when one spouse feels alienated, rejected or betrayed.

An alienated or rejected spouse may resort to extreme and even fraudulent measures to achieve what he or she desires in a divorce.  These measures may include attempts to entrap the other spouse, create false or fraudulent situations, or even create false injuries and lie to the police about those injuries or situations in order to force a spouse out of the home by a criminal charge of protection from abuse complaint.

If you are in Rhode Island it is always a good idea to carry a tape recorder with you at all times when you are communicating verbally with your spouse and your spouse is also in Rhode Island at the time of the communication.

This tape recorder and getting into the habit of providing a date and time for each conversation may sometimes be the only thing that protects you from claims before the court of "he said" versus "she said" which then results in the family court judge trying to determine who is telling the truth and who is not.

It is certainly a great deal more protection for any spouse if they have a recording of the conversation or communication and is able to replay it for the judge and identify specifically that the voice is recognized by the party recording the communication, and that the information which is contrary to what the entrapping party is trying to present is on the tape and admits the "setup", "lie", "or falsehood" at issue.

Keep in mind that each states laws are different.  The rules may be much different if one of the parties to the conversation is in another state.  This is especially true if the laws of either state require the consent of both parties in order to record the conversation.  If one of the parties to the conversation is in another state that requires the consent of both parties before a communication may be recorded and you record the conversation anyway, it is entirely possible that you have committed a crime that may subject you to prosecution, incarceration and/or fines.

It is important to be aware of the location of both parties to the conversation before making a recording.  In Rhode Island, only one party's knowledge and consent is needed to record a communication in which that party is involved.  However, this only applies if all parties to the communication are within the boundaries of the State of Rhode Island at the time of the communication in order to make a legal, and possibly admissible recording.

The admissibility of the content of the recording is up to the family court judge in divorce and protection from abuse matters and will depend upon many factors, including the relevancy of the recorded communication to the matter before the court and whether it falls within any exception to the Rules of Evidence regarding Hearsay.

However, if you are careful about the manner of your recording, particularly the location of the parties when the communication you are recording is made, it may well be your little tape recorder that saves the day for you.

As a Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer I frequently hear stories both in and out of the courthouse about Rhode Island lawyers and how they deal with new clients.

One of the things I've from some Rhode Island divorce lawyers is how they handle their initial appointments.  Generally speaking, it seems as though most lawyers who are approached about divorce simply seem to assume that a divorce is imminent and do nothing to assist a couple in resolving the marriage.

Having been both married and divorced and then remarried, I can state in all honesty that more devastation can certainly be done when a lawyer makes no attempt to suggest or encourage resolution of a marriage and jumps right to divorce as the answer.

While it may be natural for a Rhode Island divorce lawyer to jump to thoughts of divorce because the client is there for legal advice and/or representation, in my estimation it is not an appropriate first step.  Certainly resolution doesn't make the lawyer any money so the practicalities over having a client over not having a client weigh heavily in favor of making no effort to even suggest resolution with the other spouse.

However, as the divorce rate climbs in this country and in Rhode Island, I cannot help but wonder whether we as lawyers play a contributing part to its increase by avoiding resolution and repair of a marriage as a possible precursor to a divorce proceeding.

It would, in fact, seem to me to be a disservice to the client to jump directly to a divorce proceeding as a resolution, especially when there is any amount of hesitancy on the part of the prospective client who has approached the divorce lawyer indicates the possibility for resolution.

Based upon this gravitation of what I see to be an increased impression that Rhode Island lawyers may avoid the discussion of resolution in a potentially salvageable marriage in favor of a client who generates additional income in a difficult economy, I urge principled Rhode Island Divorce lawyers to avoid encouraging divorce and be open to the opportunity to save a family as opposed to simply enjoying the benefit of additional monies at the family's expense.

Secondarily, I urge those people who have not attempted marriage counseling with a licensed professional that they refrain from seeking the assistance or advice of a divorce lawyer until they have fully exhausted the possibility as to whether the marriage can be saved or not.

Ultimately, I can tell you from experience both as a Rhode Island lawyer focusing my law practice exclusively in the area of divorce, and as a divorce litigant, that coping with divorce is much more cumbersome, emotionally draining, financially draining, and devastating to the personal individual and to family as a whole than any amount of of family counseling or efforts to resolve your differences with your spouse.

Coping with thoughts and feelings of divorce should not begin with a divorce lawyer.  Remember that a divorce lawyer is trained to tell you your divorce rights, the legal procedures, and it is not uncommon for a divorce and family law lawyer to direct you toward a divorce because that's what he or she is trained to do.  Rhode Island Divorce lawyers are not trained to help you resolve your marital difficulties nor to encourage you to make attempts to do so.  If you run into such a lawyer then thankfully you have encountered a principled Rhode Island divorce lawyer who has not encouraged divorce and he or she has been a miraculous god-send.

In my coaching practice, my greatest skill is listening.  

Why?

Because I am familiar with the pain of divorce, the emotional turmoil, and the financial stresses, as well as opportunities for resolution that are often not encouraged by many attorneys, I consider it my principle duty to help the client to do the best thing for himself or herself and to consider all options, including non-legal avenues which may involve no continuing fee to me at all.

I do this because it is the "Right thing to do."

You are not a paycheck.  You are not a number.  You are not my cashflow.

You are a person with a life and a family that is heading into turmoil and you need guidance.  That guidance may involve more than simply information about filing for divorce.  It's not about money.  It's about your life!  That's more important than any amount of money.

If you'd like to meet with me, we'll examine all aspects of what you should or may want to consider.  If you want it to include divorce rights, laws and procedures.  So be it.  I will be happy to provide the knowledge I have to you in an affordable coaching and case advice and evaluation session.  If it involves discussing the difficulties and why they occur or have occurred in your life and recommendations I might have on resolving them, we will discuss those to the extent possible before we address any divorce considerations.

As a person in a difficult relationship, coping with a possible divorce does not necessarily mean filing for divorce.  It may mean coping with the devastation that could be caused by a divorce and considering means of resolution.

As lawyers offering divorce services in Rhode Island, I suggest that you adopt a principled perspective and avoid encouraging divorce in favor of considering and examining resolution with your prospective clients.  

To all who are involved, let's try to save as many marriages as we can before we result in the devastation divorce may cause.  Put yourself in your client's shoes, is the small amount of money you might receive as the attorney worth the pain and agony you would go through?  I highly doubt it.

Remember, our clients come first!