Rhode Island Divorce Clients will be happier if they are Realistic and Practical about their Divorce!
Are you a prospective Rhode Island Divorce client? This may be of interest to you if you are even contemplating filing for divorce in Rhode Island but you don't know what to expect or whether your spouse will fly off the handle.
Here's a recipe for spouses in a divorce you might want to consider. I've kept this to the most basic of fundamental ingredients that I've seen make a Rhode Island Divorce Settlement work. So if you have questions or comments, by all means, post them and get them answered so this recipe can be explained further if it needs to be.
* * * RHODE ISLAND DIVORCE SETTLEMENT * * *
* * * MY INTELLECTUAL RECIPE FOR SETTLEMENT * * *
1. It Takes Two!
You and your spouse must both follow this recipe in order for it to work. The sooner you do, the sooner you are likely to reach a settlement to your divorce case.
2. Discard your emotions.
Got that! There is no emotion in the Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer's recipe for settlement. You may find this to be the most challenging part of this recipe because you may feel tons of emotion over the news that your spouse wants a divorce or even if you've both decided mutually that a divorce is the best thing for each of you. However, if you allow emotion to become part of the recipe for your divorce, you actually prevent settlement. Remember it this way. Emotion prevents Motion!
3. Discard your thoughts of "entitlement."
This isn't easy either, whether you are getting divorced or not. Life itself isn't really about entitlement. Entitlement is something that we as people create in our minds and it changes as our thoughts change. So, do yourself a favor and simply take personal responsibility for your own life. If you were adult enough to get married, you could make any other decision that you needed to in order to survive, protect yourself, take care of yourself, and control your own life.
The best example of what happens to resolving Sylvester Stallone in one of the Rocky movies from the 1980's said it best when his brother-in-law (Paulie) said to him "I'm entitled." Rocky responded by saying something akin to "Nobody's entitled! We do because we want to do." I've tried to include that little clip here because it is a very good analogy as to the fights that occur when emotions and entitlement happen in a relationship. Unfortunately, in a divorce things don't end as quickly. If you notice, Rocky and Paulie continued their relationship and Paulie still had the idea that he was entitled to all that Rocky had built up. Paulie never took personal responsibility for his own decisions and life choices that led him to where he was in his life. (My Apologies - Excerpt being reformatted..)
4. Fill your divorce settlement mixing bowl with a huge bag of heavy duty reality.
The heavy duty reality of any divorce is that when you and your spouse settle your case amicably, you do so on your terms for your lives.
You are in control!
Realistically, if you both hire lawyers or end up reaching Case Management Conferences in the Rhode Island Family Court, then one of you either is not following the recipe or you have a lawyer who is making waves (possibly where he or she should not be), costing you money, prolonging your divorce, and preventing you from moving forward in your life. While technically you still have control it is all too easy for your attorney to assume control without you knowing it or realizing it because he or she will do what they believe to be right in your best interests legally.
5. Fill your RI divorce settlement mixing bowl with a heaping portion of heavy duty practicality.
This is one of the most important ingredients because without this you just won't see the big picture. Be practical in this instance more than you have ever been in your life. What will it cost you if you don't follow this recipe?
If you hire a lawyer to go to court for you, then you should plan on paying for that lawyer yourself because in most cases that's what happens regardless of where you get the funds from. So, practically speaking you can kiss several thousand dollars goodbye and that's just to start.
Practically speaking, when you hire a lawyer you lose some measure of control of your case, your settlement, and your life. So practically speaking you can say goodbye to some or all of the control you have over this tremendously important part of your life.
If you don't want to follow this divorce settlement recipe, that's your decision. However, it's almost inevitable that you are going to lose or waste a chunk of time in your life consumed by your divorce which prevents you from being happy and moving on in a healthy manner. So go ahead and say goodbye to a good chunk of time in your life because you've wasted it on a divorce, emotional chaos, stress, depression, anxiety, and perhaps even creating permanent damage to your health.
These are just a few things that the lack of practicality will cause you to miss. So if you don't want to follow the recipe, you and your spouse can (and probably will) lose money, time, happiness, control and worst of all your mental, physical and emotional health.
Yet look at all the wonderful things you will gain such as debt, anxiety, lost time from work, school or your children, poor health, unhappiness, resentment, attorney's fees and litigation costs, possible alienation from your children and much more.
6. Then mix in the best interests of the children followed by the assets, the debts, and lastly the living needs of each party while sprinkling in a generous amounts of common sense and reasonableness.
7. Once it is thoroughly mixed, divide the mixture and round them out in sizes created by agreement and cooked until they are golden brown. Hand the tray to the judge for review and approval.
If this sounds like an absurd way to look at a divorce settlement to you, then I certainly respect your opinion. If you would rather that I called it a "formula" and used chemistry or something more in tune with either the legal profession or something more or a scholarly nature, then you may certainly substitute your own analogy for the "recipe" that I have offered here.
Ultimately, as a Rhode Island lawyer focusing my practice in Rhode Island divorce and family law I've seen this recipe work time and time again. In fact, I've learned more about this "recipe" or "formula" from the people who have come to me for my low-cost divorce coaching than from any experience I've ever had in the practice of law.
Do you want some very good divorce coaching?
Here it is. You may want to show this article to your spouse and see if the two of you can follow this recipe and reach an agreement, calmly, quietly and respectfully. If you need some help, talk it out and decide which one of you wants to call me for a little coaching on the subject.
Christopher A. Pearsall, Attorney-at-Law
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