Rhode Island Divorce Tips

Do You Need Divorce Coaching or Legal Representation?  Consider this Example.

On a whimsical impulse Carrie and Jack got married in Las Vegas, Nevada in 1992 while on vacation with friends.  They remained married and living together for seven months in Rhode Island where Carried had her job and family and Jack was stationed in Newport with the military at NUSC.  

The marriage quickly deteriorated after Jack discovered that Carrie was a verbally abusive and sometimes violent alcoholic.  When Jack refused to buy Carrie alcoholic beverages of any kind, Carrie moved out.  Even though all the furnishings and other assets belonged to Jack before the two got married, Jack agreed to give Carrie everything.  Jack felt bad for Carrie and he went so far as to engage professional movers to pack up and move all the furnishings in their apartment to wherever Carried wanted them moved.  The only things Jack did not give to Carrie were the things that were provided to them by the US Military because he had no right to give them away.

Carrie left with 95% of everything and Jack kept only a few minor things that were needed for his survival in the apartment.  Jack went so far as to set up a military allotment to be deposited in an account of Carrie's choosing for half of the military pay he received each pay period.  Carrie's allotment was set up to last for an indefinite period of time.

Both Carrie and Jack were aware that as long as they remained married the military would provide Jack with an additional amount of money each pay period as long as he was classified as "married."  

Carrie and Jack each went their separate ways and verbally agreed to live their own lives under these circumstances.  Jack didn't want to hurt Carrie and realized she had a problem so he did not file for divorce.  Carrie did not seek any form of rehabilitation but she knew that if she filed for divorce she would get less money from Jack, so she never filed either.

Finally, Jack retired from the military in 2000 and the allotment to Carrie ceased pursuant to the military's own administrative guidelines.  Jack then began receiving a military pension for his 20 years of military service.

When the military allotment ceased, Carrie sought legal advice in Rhode Island where she had been living for the past 12 years and made a substantial claim for Jack's pension and other assets he had accumulated while they had been living separately.

Jack was surprised to learn that although the Rhode Island judge could certainly consider the totality of the circumstances surrounding the divorce, Rhode Island law did allow Carrie to claim that at least a portion of Jack's military pension was "marital" because it accrued while the parties were legally married and absent a Rhode Island or Federal Law which instructed the Rhode Island Family Court otherwise, the pension could be considered marital if the court made a finding that all or a portion of the pension was marital and should be equitably split between the parties as the court saw fit after trial.

Jack was not happy about the divorce proceedings.  All this time he thought he had "done the right thing" for Carrie and now she wanted even more and Jack didn't want to give more.  Jack felt he had given enough and he was willing to fight for his military pension as a non-marital asset because he had already given Carrie what amounted to more than her share.  In Jack's eyes he had already given more than he would have been ordered to give by any divorce court.

Perhaps the greatest thing to keep in mind regarding a scenario where you and your spouse separate all your assets and debts and live completely separate but you do not terminate your marriage legally is this. . . YOU ARE STILL MARRIED!

Can you answer these questions?

1.  Can Jack argue that since he and Carrie separated everything at the time they personally terminated their own marital relationship with each other that any asset accumulated after that time is non-marital?

2.  If Carrie runs up credit card debt in order to support herself during the time that she is separated from Jack, could a Rhode Island Family Court Judge find the credit card debt to be marital debt?

3.  If Carrie builds up an IRA plan during the time she is separated from but still married to Jack, does Jack have a reasonable claim to a part of that IRA plan if he didn't contribute to it?

4.  If Carrie has a child during the time she is separated from Jack and there is no name specified as the father of the child on the birth certificate, is it possible that Jack might have to pay child support for that child?

5.  Are there any federal laws which trump state law regarding any of these issues and decide the question for us so that the question(s) become a non-issue?

6.  Do you see the other eight (8) important legal questions/issues that a skilled divorce lawyer might address with you if you were either Jack or Carrie?  

If you do not see the other important legal questions/issues in this scenario, then you either need some professional RI Divorce Coaching or representation by a good Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer.

The following excerpt is a brief question and answer provided on the Rhode Island Bar Association website and previously noted at RhodeIslandDivorceTips.com as part of my expansion article series to give people a more detailed answer to the questions posed on the Rhode Island Bar Association's website regarding divorce:
 

WHAT KIND OF ISSUES WILL I DISCUSS WITH MY ATTORNEY DURING THE FIRST VISIT?

The separation of a married couple is one of the most traumatic occurrences in one's life. An attorney will address both family and emotional issues, including consideration of marriage counseling or other steps to help save the marriage; assisting you as a parent in meeting the needs of your children; and handling financial matters such as real estate and personal property. You should also be sure to discuss, and fully understand, the attorney's fee arrangement at the first meeting.

via www.rhodeislanddivorcetips.com  from  www.ribar.com

Your first meeting with your Rhode Island Divorce attorney will vary from divorce lawyer to divorce lawyer.  However, it could consist of any number of subjects relating to your divorce.  

If you haven't formally retained the divorce attorney then you should reasonably expect that your meeting will consist of discussing the following subjects:

1.  Formalizing and executing the written engagement agreement between you and your divorce attorney;

2.  Discussing the scope of the attorney/client relationship and each party's rights in that relationship;

3.  Identifying the documents you will need to provide to your attorney either a)  to file for divorce, or b) the documents needed to respond to the divorce documents that have been served upon you;

If you have already retained you divorce attorney, signed the formal agreement, and discussed the scope of the attorney/client relationship, then you should reasonably expect that your meeting with your divorce lawyer may include:

1. Providing your divorce attorney with the documents he or she has requested for your case;

2.  Discussion of the conduct of each of the parties during the course of the marriage both as to financial expenditures and contributions within the marriage and infidelities;

3.  Discussion of your assets, debts and minor children, if appropriate, and what you might be willing to settle for, assuming you are aware of all the facts;

4.  The manner in which you and your attorney choose to move forward in your divorce proceeding.
 

To All,

Whatever your trials and tribulations during this Holiday Season, I want you to know that I wish you the very best through your financial strife, through your emotional turmoil, through your mental anguish and whatever challenges you are dealing with at this holiday season.

Keep in mind through all your difficulties that they are merely "temporary" and that they will pass.  Only our own decisions and our own fortitude will cause the change that you need to get through temporary hurdles.  No matter how difficult the decisions may be, know that you have the ability to withstand whatever comes your way.

For everyone, I wish you a wonderful and beautiful holiday season filled with friends and family, warmth and love and memories to last your whole life long.

Peace and Blessings upon You and all those You Love.

I Remain, 

Chris

Christopher A. Pearsall, The RI Divorce Lawyer* who truly

Cares About People.

* The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all attorneys in the general practice of law and has no procedure for recognition of specialization in any area of law.

It's no secret that the national economy is hurting and so are many marriages.  I have no doubt that the only thing that is stopping the divorce rate from escalating out of control is the lack of funds to file for bankruptcy.  The other factor that seems prevalent from is the tenacity of many Americans to characterize themselves as "deadbeats" when they find themselves in a financial predictament that calls for a bankruptcy filing.  The resistance of the individual to see himself or herself as a "deadbeat" for not living up to his or her obligations and the stigma that today's credit reporting attaches to it are probably the sole limiting factors which slow the acceleration of the rapidly advancing divorce rate.

Financial difficulties are no doubt a huge contributor to pressures within the family unit and result in considerable dissention within the family unit.  It is unfortunate that rather than bring the typiclal family unit together in a unified bond, financial lack almost invariably causes disruption, stress and pressure that tear the family apart.

The fact is, divorce filings have consistently been  rising while the economy and jobless rate has increased together with the bankruptcy filings throughout the country.

Is there a particular answer to save the American Family?  

No answer, suggestion, or proposal that is likely to work for every family, every marriage or every financial predictament.  To think otherwise is utopian and unrealistic at best.  However, an understanding the perspective of divorce and financial situations leading to bankruptcies may help readers to deal with the their unique situations by gleaning a new insight.

The breakdown of any marriage leading to divorce is, generally speaking, a breakdown in the components that came together to comprise that family unit to begin with.  For some couples, a marriage is built upon idealistic notions of change in their partner and hopes that their partner would change for them or would "grow" with them as I have heard too often.  Most of these unspoken expectations may be unrealistic and unspoken.   Keeping such a marriage together may require a party to simply enter counseling and return to a path in which they each have a realistic view of the relationship as it exists and as it may move forward.

For other couples, a marriage may be based upon financial securities perceived by the parties.  To the extent that either party diverges from the financial expectations of the other so that they no longer feel financially insecure, one party may believe that the underlying financial structure that formed the marital union has broken down.  This could be the result from one partner losing his or her job in a declining economy and being unable to obtain work despite efforts to do so.  In such a "financially based" marital relationship, the downfall of the marriage almost certainly lies in the failure of one party to hold up his or her financial end of what is perceived as the marital obligation to provide the trust and security that the financial illusion provides in the marriage.

It is disappointing that in the foregoing type of scenario, that the financial loss that takes place is seen more of a destroyer in the relationship and a breakdown of trust rather than the powerful factor that it could be for the unification of the couple.

Ultimately, in almost every relationship financial struggles place stresses on the parties.  Today, those stresses have led to increased bankruptcy filings and "for better or for worse" relegates itself to nothing more than "for better or until finances become too much for us."

It is in today's economy that financial woes are forcing couples to a financial shortage that pushes people to their emotional brink in their personal relationships and warrants the filing of bankruptcy.  It is in this light that I offer perspectives that I hope people will take to heart to save their marriage and to file for bankruptcy if necessary.

Family is more than finances.  Family is relationships, closeness, trust, reliance, love and an abundance of other factors that are so remote from finances that it is amazing that tough financial situations bring families to divorce.  

When you marry someone, hopefully you consider marrying him or her for the right reasons.  Marriage is a union of people, as they are and who they are.  It is not, nor was it ever intended to be a union of unexpressed expectations that neither party knows about and neither party knows how to achieve.  Marriage should not be the union of one person to another based upon the expectations of what you hope or expect the other spouse to become.  Marriage is in the "now" and each day is a new "now" that the parties should endeavor to deal with as a couple.

Though there are certainly divorce lawyers, marriage counselors and relationship therapists who I am quite sure would disagree with me, a divorce is not necessarily a failure.  This is a perception that I urge others to consider.  Practically speaking, in our lives we are required to make countless decisions.  Some of these decisions are more important than others and have a greater impact in our life.  Of these decisions, marriage is most assuredly one of the more significant.  Yet this decision may be made amidst underlying religious beliefs, family expectations, financial considerations and especially emotional feelings.  To expect that an individual of any age can make such a decision to be kept as a happy and healthy contract for life with dedication to one person as his or her soulmate, without the chance of mistake is to some extent unrealistic.

To my thinking, divorce is not a failure.  Rather, it is an understanding of a decision to marry that only time and experience could reveal was not optimal for one or both of the parties involved in the marriage.  I offer for your consideration, that divorce is merely the legal process by which a person who having the fortitude, understanding and wisdom to realize that the union of the two individuals as soulmates forever results in two unhappy individuals if the marriage is not dissolved. 

Divorce, then, is only a mistake when parties cease to ignore the practicalities and recognition that the separation of the union of marriage is not a matter of blame as to either party or a failure of the marital relationship, but simply a realization that the relationship does not work properly because it does not work for one of the other of the parties.  Divorce, truly is only a failure when a party takes it personally, allows himself or herself to be consumed by emotional controversy and fails to learn from the experience so that he or she can benefit from this relationship experience in their continuing life.

Recently I was listening to a divorce podcast in which a divorcing woman was talking with another woman who asked her how she viewed her divorce.  I found it quite enlightening from the perspective of a divorce lawyer.  It went something like this.  One woman said to the other "The divorce was difficult."  The other woman paused, and said to the first woman " Yeah, I mean but are we as women spoked to do.  We just have to cope.  Your marriage was broken.  What did you do?"  The first woman paused and said, "Yes, my marriage was broken.  So I did the only thing I could do to move on.  I fixed it!  I got divorced!"  

This is perhaps one of the best expressions of divorce I have heard.  Another woman said, " I don't think of it as a divorce, I think of it as a really good house cleaning."  It is this type of positive response thinking that makes for better decisions in the future, better relationships for the person making the statement and a better life if a soulmate decision is made again.

Another change in perspective is that of bankruptcy as a "deadbeat" situation in which we duck out on our obligations.  Truly, much of everything we accept in our life is a matter of perspective which is merely looking at the situation from another side.

Bankruptcy laws were created to give people a "new start", if and when they every got so far in debt that it was not reasonably possible to make good on all financial obligations and continue to achieve a reasonable standard of living.  The question is one of whether you and your spouse deserve a new start.  Those who are too critical of themselves may say so.  Yet with couples, it is the couple that needs to access their needs in life and each spouse may not be in agreement.  Stresses rise and the family unit may crumble from family dissention rather than a unification caused by the lack of financial capital needed to meet all your obligations.

We all have good intentions but it is important in our perceptions to understand that life is often outside of our control.  When you have a good job and you are downsized by your company during an economic downturn, this is not in your control and it is counter to your intentions and it is, for all purposes, outside your control.  All it takes is one difficult and unexpected change in your family's financial situation to cause marital stress, family disharmony, and bankruptcy type qualifications.

The increases in divorce filings is due in no small part to the directly proportional financial drains and stresses caused by the economic drains throughout the country, many of which lead to bankruptcy.   

Perspective is everything.  Marriage is a huge decision and one that can rarely be made with certainty in knowing your spouse is your soulmate.  Divorce merely provides a legal means of a margin of error.  To provide that we make no errors in such decisions would be farsical.  Only a divorce without learning something from the relationship to better your life truly leads us to failure.  If we learn nothing from an experience, then that experience was a wasted endeavor.

As to bankruptcy, there comes a time when we all must realize that there are things outside our control and those things affect our lives, our dreams, our goals and our expectations for the future, when these uncontrollable items affect our lives the law has provided a means by which we learn more about our finances and are given a fresh start.  This fresh start is not without its penalties by reports to credit bureaus to rebuild once again, but it is far from the deadbeat's escape that many believe it to be.  

If it is necessary to help you move on and preserve your divorce, consider the "new start" offered by federal bankruptcy law.  If this provides no consolation, consider that divorce is likewise an opportunity to realize that when you have not picked the right spouse that matches your life as your "soulmate" out of the millions of people in the world, that divorce affords your a legal "fix-it" that allows you a "new start".

Neither divorce nor bankruptcy is bad.  It is merely our perspective that makes it such.

The following excerpt is a brief question and answer provided on the Rhode Island Bar Association website and previously noted at RhodeIslandDivorceTips.com as part of my expansion article series to give people a more detailed answer to the questions posed on the Rhode Island Bar Association's website regarding divorce:

WHAT DO I NEED FOR THE FIRST VISIT TO MY LAWYER'S OFFICE?

To expedite your case, you should take your marriage certificate, copies of your most recent tax return, a picture of your spouse, a list of your family obligations and a list of questions you have for your lawyer. In addition, you should know the address, both residence and work of your spouse, together with all family members' place and date of birth.

via www.rhodeislanddivorcetips.com quoting ribar.org

    Expanding upon the response provided by the Rhode Island Bar Association's Divorce Question, I prefer not make any assumptions.

    A prospective Rhode Island family court litigant needs to be aware that there is a difference between your first visit to a lawyer's office (meaning you have not engaged the divorce lawyer's services yet) and your first visit to your lawyer's office (meaning a lawyer who you have already engaged to represent you.)

    As a Rhode Island Divorce and Family law practitioner, I believe the answers to these questions are completely different.  

    For our purposes, the question on the Rhode Island Bar Association's website says "my lawyer" so let's address the first visit to a divorce attorney that you have already engaged to represent you in court in a divorce case in the Rhode Island Family Court system.

    What you need for your first visit to your lawyer's office will differ depending upon your lawyer's philosophy, work practice, and how he or she organizes his or her law practice.  Since divorce lawyers differ as much as one house does from the next, your first priority should be to ask your lawyer what you should bring to your first meeting.  

    If your lawyer has a secretary or paralegal that he or she works closely with, it is a good idea to find out the person's name, gender and title.  This contact is likely to be very valuable to you in the future.  In fact, even if your attorney has told you what to bring to your first meeting, it is a good idea to make a brief call to this contact person and has him or her what should be brought to the meeting to speed things up.  

    Many busy attorneys tend to focus on legal issues and may forget a document or two, in many instances a secretary or paralegal working with your divorce attorney will have more of a focus on the documents and may remember one or two that the attorney didn't mention.  This quick call to your divorce attorney's support staff could save you considerable time and money simply by having a second person tell you what documents you should bring.  Always bring what your attorney requests.  Also bring with you the documents the secretary or paralegal recommends as well.

    Personally, I have never requested the picture of the spouse and have never had need for it, even when service of process upon the spouse has been a bit more difficult.

    A certified copy of your Marriage Certificate is needed to file for divorce and you must have a DR-6 Statement of Financial Assets and Liabilities completed and signed under oath as well as a check for $100 made payable to the Rhode Island Family Court if you have not arranged for the payment of the State of Rhode Island's $100 divorce filing fee with your attorney in advance.

    A list of questions for your attorney is always advisable.  I recommend providing your Rhode Island Divorce attorney with a summary of all the assets and debts you and your wife have accumulated over the years.  

    It will help any divorce attorney immensely and save you money if you make an itemized list of each asset you and your spouse have, identify how was obtained, list who obtained it, give its approximate value and how you arrived at that value and lastly, if there are any names associated with the ownership of the item (i.e. such as names on a house deed, or names on stock certificates or a retirement plan).   

    It will also be a tremendous help to your divorce lawyer if you prepare a similar outline for each debt that has accumulated during your marriage.  For each debt it is helpful to any divorce attorney if you identify what the debt is (i.e. house mortgages, personal loans, credit cards, student loans, etc. . ) the amount of the debt, what the monies or charges were used for, when they were used and whose name is on the debt as an obligor.

    Aside from the foregoing, it is best to take direction from and follow the requests of your Rhode Island Divorce Attorney and his or her staff and always be prepared to openly express your concerns to your divorce attorney.