Marriage is perhaps one of the most interesting ceremonies in our culture. Many of us plan for months to get everything perfect. Flowers, Catering, Food, Photographer, Wedding Dress, Tuxedos, Bridesmaid's Gowns, Picture Locations, Table Centerpieces, Reception Location, Transportation, Invitations, Bouquet, Wedding Rings, Honeymoon, Wedding location . . . and so much more. Thousands of dollars are spent and hundreds of hours are spent all for a single day of formality for two people to stand up in front of their friends and family and become joined as husband and wife through a ceremony of their choosing.
Yet choosing a soul mate for life is about the hardest thing you will ever do and many people don't put half the time as it takes to plan a wedding into the actual selection of their chosen soulmate. It's interesting. It is as if our physiological feelings about someone when we're with them just seem to override everything and tell us . . . this is the person. There's no real thought about it. There's no balancing of the pros and cons about your preferences versus this other person's preferences. It seems to be more your feelings and your interaction with that person at the time that govern your decision.
Strangely, this set of feelings about the person that lead us to marry them are the same things that leave us blind to those things about the person that annoy us or that we don't even bother to question until it is too late. After all, marriage is supposed to be a life-long decision and commitment. Yet so many times one or the other of the couple, or even both, are blind to the others flaws, many of which they couldn't live with for a lifetime.
It is not a wonder under circumstances like these that when such a massive decision as marriage is made with less consideration than say . . . buying a house for example . . .that more than 1 out of 2 marriages fail.
What is even more perplexing is that once the couple enters the family court for their divorce proceeding, they sometimes expect it to be severed and completed in a heartbeat. What must be considered is that now the court must determine the conduct of the parties, whether children need to be provided for, whether there are pre-marital or non-marital assets, whether the parties can sustain themselves financially, what will be come of what assets, and whether one party should be given more assets or more debt than the other based on his or her conduct.
Compare what the court must do to what it takes to plan a marriage and the time constraints and typical number of decisions can be fairly comparable to one another.
Is it possible for a marriage to happen overnight? Almost. Is it possible for a divorce to happen overnight? Not in Rhode Island. In the same way that there are many issues that should be considered by the parties before getting married, there are many questions and just as many answers that the judge must come up with to insure both parties go their separate ways equitably.
The analogy, although possibly long-winded. Is that it takes time to get a divorce just as it takes time to plan a marriage. The emotions may be different which may cause further divorce delays. Yet parties in a divorce should plan to be patient otherwise they should plan for the process to take longer.
Copyright 2000 to Present - Christopher A. Pearsall, Esq. (All Rights Reserved)