Rhode Island Divorce Tips by Attorney Chris Pearsall

Uncontested Divorce Tip - Communicate with Your Spouse During Your RI Divorce!

Do you want your Rhode Island divorce to go easier?  Would you rather it go as quickly as possible, and be reasonable and amicable?

Let me give you a huge tip that many Rhode Island lawyers would rather you disregard completely.

If you have a Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer and your lawyer tells you something like this,

"Now that I'm your attorney.  Let me do my job.  Everything goes through attorneys.  That's the way divorces work.  Do not talk to your spouse.  If you say anything to your spouse, tell him (or her) to talk to your attorney." 

Here is what I suggest.  GET A NEW LAWYER!

Why do I say this?  Most divorces are resolved without costing you a fortune because you DO talk to your spouse.  The moment you listen to that crap that your lawyer just handed out, is the moment you just doubled or tripled your legal bill and handed over control of your life to your lawyer.  It is also the first moment that you say goodbye to money that you are entitled to from the marital assets because each dollar you pay your lawyer is a dollar that you won't get.

That's it in a nutshell.  If you listen to that "advice" from your lawyer you just shot yourself in the foot in my professional opinion.

There is only one instance when that advice might be even remotely correct and that is when your spouse is threatening or bullying you and you are incapable to dealing with it.  I am not talking about a spouse talking to you about what you would like to do for settlement or how to resolve things and you are simply nervous or uncomfortable around your spouse.  I am talking about directly threatening your well-being or threatening to harm you.

In the very least I hope that many people read and take this divorce tip to heart.  Do yourself a favor... when you hear that advice and you are not being seriously threatened by your spouse, it is a good idea to get another lawyer.  Try looking for one who cares about you enough to truly resolve your divorce in an amicable fashion.

What is Your Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer's Philosophy? Are you a Lawyer's Paycheck?

If you don't know about Rhode Island divorces and how they are processed or the laws that guide the family court, that is understandable.

However, knowing your divorce lawyer's philosophy about divorce can make you or break you.  A divorce lawyer should know what his or her own philosophy is and it is a valid question to ask what a lawyer's divorce philosophy is when you interview lawyers to represent you.

What is a philosophy?  It is the underlying thought process and guiding principles by which a person does something.  For instance, there is a philosophy of law itself yet there are also different philosophies for different types of lawyers and even different philosophies for lawyers who practice in the area of divorce.

So what is the philosophy of the divorce lawyer you may be interviewing or meeting with about your case?  It is said that actions speak louder than words, but at the outset the best you may be able to do is to ask the lawyer the question, namely "What is your divorce philosophy?"  Or, "What is your philosophy for handling divorce cases?"  My personal thought is this.  If a lawyer has no idea what you are asking or does not know what you mean by a philosophy, I believe that to be a sign that the attorney you are interviewing has not thought deeply enough about their own method of handling cases and therefore you may not be happy with the attorney's representation.  

In my professional and personal opinion, any Rhode Island attorney who practices divorces, should readily know what their philosophy is.  So what should you be doing?  Well, that's your choice as a prospective client, but if I were a client I would be thinking about how I would like my attorney to approach my case and what considerations they should have in mind when addressing my case.  If the lawyer's philosophy doesn't meet the case approach or considerations that you believe you would like to be taken with your approach, then it is probably not a good match with that attorney.

My philosophy is not agreeable to every prospective client and I don't expect it to be, yet I believe my philosophy to be as noble as the principles that I endeavor to project to my clients because these principles are part of me.

My philosophy is client-centric.  The client is at the center of everything and therefore it is not a matter of the divorce lawyer dictating every step of the process.  In my divorce lawyer's philosophy I should always do several things.

1)  Listen to your legal and personal needs;

2)  Consider your financial well-being and balance any items that might need to be done in your case with the cost of those items in legal fees, etc...  In other words, is the work cost-effective.  Would you approve of what needed to be done for the possible benefit?

3)  Address matters based upon your mental and physical well-being and considering all factors in your divorce situation.  There is value to your  anxiety, grief, emotional, mental and physical well-being and health.  Isgetting an extra $1,500 for you in your settlement worth the cost to you of two extra days of stress and anxiety?  It may not be worth pursuing due to non-legal factors because your importance is far greater than just a "divorce case"  you as a whole person is most important.

4)  I consider the stress on your finances and trust.  Clients deserve respect and I must earn and keep your trust not only by your words but by my actions in your divorce.  In a divorce situation you have entrusted me with a major part of his or her life.  That is a tremendous amount of trust.  Because of this you are not a paycheck to me.  You are not a file folder.  You are a person who has placed an important part of your life in my hands.  

5)  Ultimately, my goal is always to reach a reasonable settlement for you as quickly as possible and to do it within the parameters that you find reasonable provided I advise you of all the pros and cons of each aspect of your case.  I need to do this because it is important that you be informed.  How can you make crucial decisions in your divorce without being informed by your lawyer?  You may need to have things explained to you only because they do not live in my lawyers world of technical jargon from day to day and I don't expect you to know what all the legal terms mean. So I make sure that understand it.  Plain and simple.

6)  In summary, I endeavor to settle cases reasonably, make sure youare are informed and understand everything that would go into the settlement, and help you to settle your case with as little stress, anxiety, physical drain on your system and as little drain on your finances as possible.  

7)  I serve you.  I am the way lawyers were intented to be.  No hidden agendas or motives.  You deserve my help, my respect, my honesty, my understanding of your situation and the fact that you deserve to be listened to them more than I need to be talking.  This is all about doing what is best for you as my client.

There you have it.  This is my divorce lawyer's philosophy for my clients and explains how I process cases.

My philosophy does not work for every prospective client.  Prospective clients who simply want to use my expertise to hurt or damage their spouse or cheat their spouse out of what they are entitled to from marital assets do not match my philosophy.  Could they ask me for representation just the same?  Certainly.  Would I agree?  Not likely.  I have rejected cases that could put $20,000+ in my pocket for a single case.  Yet knowing what the person wants to do is all I need to know.  

My philosophy is one of integrity for my clients and for people generally.  

Ultimately, some lawyers may bend for a price, especially in hard times when money is tight for many of us.  I will not do it.  My integrity is not for sale at any price.

Find a good divorce lawyer with integrity and a strong central morality that is designed to protect people and preserve the family unit and you have located a good divorce attorney.  If that lawyer also offers a divorce philosophy that meets your needs and financial budget then you may have found just the right divorce lawyer for you.  

Philosophy is at the center of every business man.  Ask enough questions and you will find it.  Match your needs to the business person's philosophy and you found the right lawyer (or business person) to meet your divorce needs.  This isn't just for Rhode Island.  It works for anything you need help with.

I am Attorney Christopher A. Pearsall 
and I am The Rhode Island Divorce Coach! 

My Best to All Who Will Go before the Rhode Island Family Court,

Chris

Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer Coaching Tip - Understand Your RI Divorce!

It's too easy to pay a Rhode Island lawyer money to handle your representation and then just believe you are handing over your troubles to him or her.  Too many people do it.  Can you imagine what the natural result is?  Lawyers just handle your divorce and you have no clue what is going on because you don't understand what the heck your divorce lawyer is doing.

Consider Giselle's Rhode Island Divorce situation.

Giselle hires Attorney Shelly Melatonin to represent her.  She pays her retainer fee and waits to hear from her attorney.  Giselle gets a questionnaire in the mail and is told to fill it out and send all the information back to the attorney, including a 9 page financial form that she does her best at filling out.  A few weeks after Shelly sends the papers back to her attorney, she get's a voice mail asking her to come in to meet with her attorney.

Giselle meets with her attorney and is told that the paperwork is standard and that she must sign the divorce documents in various places and the Attorney says she'll take care of notarizing the documents.  Giselle trusts her attorney.  The attorney flips from page to page and points to the signature line where Giselle needs to sign and she quickly signs each page.

Giselle feels rushed and isn't sure exactly what she just signed.  Giselle mentions that she wants things to be as amicable as possible with her husband and she is worried about her husband getting upset.  Attorney Melatonin reassures her that he will be fine.  Shelly asks what's next. and her attorney answers that they have to have some of the papers delivered to her husband so he knows about the filing and then they will all start talking about how to resolve things nicely.  Giselle feels reassured.

Two days later Giselle gets a call at work from her husband, William.  He is furiously screaming at her on the phone.  Giselle doesn't understand and is partially in shock.

Giselle can't understand why William is upset.  Giselle calms him down and asks him to bring the papers and meet with her at Dunkin Donuts for a coffee after work.  William is still shouting but reluctantly agrees.

Giselle and William meet at Dunkin Donuts.  William is screaming and waving the papers in a crazed rage from the moment he gets out of his car.  Giselle rushes into the Dunkin Donuts hoping that a public place will calm him down as she tries to figure out why he is all upset.  William enters the Dunkin Donuts and quiets down slightly as he comes over to Giselle and starts to raise his voice again.

Giselle offers to buy William coffee and whatever else he wants and asks him what he wants.  Thankfully it diverts William's anger so he can select something.  Angrily, William orders several dozen donuts to take back to his new apartment and two extra packages of coffee to take home.

Giselle is still puzzled and sits down and waits for William to come over to the table.  William sits down and begins to open his mouth.  The conversation goes like this.

Giselle:  Will, you knew I was filing the divorce papers.  I told you.  So I'm really surprised that you're so upset.  I don't have anyone else if that is what you are thinking.  What is going on?

William:  What is going on?  How could you do this?  What is this crap?  Sure, file for divorce but now you're trying to screw me over.  Don't think for one minute that I'm going to stand for this.  You humiliate me and then want to leave me penniless and keep me from being part of our kids lives.  I thought you were going to be reasonable but I must have been stupid for thinking that any woman could be reasonable in a divorce.  You all want everything isn't it!!!  [William is shouting again.]

Giselle:  What are you talking about Will?

William:  THIS!  THIS is what I'm talking about! [Squeezing the Divorce papers in front of her face so hard they begin to rip.]

Giselle:  May I look at those?

William throws the divorce documents on the table.  Giselle starts to pick them up to read them.

William:  I just can't believe you want this divorce so badly that you went so far as to have a Sheriff serve me at work in front of all the guys at the job first thing in the morning.  I was the talk of the office all day and no one would even talk to me.

Giselle:  [Raising her Voice.] WHAT?!?  I didn't know anything about that or have anything to do with that at all.

Giselle grabs the divorce papers quickly and starts reading them.  The more she reads, the agrier Giselle gets.  The divorce papers ask for literally EVERYTHING and that William be given minimal visitation with his children. The papers even ask the court to award her sole decision-making power for their two children.

Giselle:  Will, I didn't want this.  I didn't even know about this.

William:  Isn't that your signature Giselle?  It looks like it to me!

Giselle:  Yes, but I didn't know that was in there.

William:  How could you not know it was in there?  You signed the damn divorce papers under oath Giselle?  You had to know it was there!

Giselle:  I didn't Will.  I swear I didn't and I'm going to straighten this out right now.  Giselle grabs her celphone and calls and leaves a nasty message for Attorney Melatonin that William is angry with good reason and she wants to know why she wasn't told about all of these things and nothing was said about a Sheriff embarrassing her husband at work.

William:  Well, the damage is already done at work Giselle.  How are you going to fix that?  I'm humiliated.  I can't talk anymore.  I'm just too angry.  I'm getting the best Rhode Island divorce lawyer I can afford tomorrow.  I'm not about to let you or anyone else take me to the cleaners.

William quickly grabs the papers out of Giselle's hands and storms out of the Dunkin Donuts.

Giselle speaks to Attorney Melatonin the next day and demands copies of all the papers.  She also demands an explanation about why papers were delivered to her husband by a Sheriff at work and why in the world all those demands were made in the divorce papers.

Attorney Melatonin:  First, it is standard that service is performed by a Sheriff. It's in the Domestic Rules of Procedure.  The language in the papers you signed is standard.  It's a template Giselle.  As soon as your husband got a lawyer, the lawyer would tell him that.

Giselle:  I just wish I would have known about these things.  I think we're going to war with William now.  He was so upset.

Attorney Melatonin:  I'm sorry that your husband is so upset but this is how it works.  I'm simply doing my job for you.  That's why people find divorce so difficult and get attorneys, because they don't know how the process works and they get all upset.  If your husband asked his own attorney instead of yelling and screaming at you, then he'd know everything is just fine.  It's just paperwork.

Giselle:  Oh.

Attorney Melatonin:  So are you all set now Giselle because I don't like receiving nasty voice mail messages like that on my cel phone in the middle of the evening.

Giselle:  No, we're not really okay.  You're fired.  I want my file documents and I want the balance of the monies I paid for my divorce returned to me right away.

Attorney Melatonin:  Why?

Giselle:  Well, William might have had to get his own lawyer and ask questions to get these answers.  But I already had you as my lawyer and I trusted you.  I trusted you to keep me informed about things and for you to take time to go over and explain things with me that are important and you didn't do it.  Now you've made things worse.  I don't need that kind of lawyer.

Please have my file and my refund check by Wednesday.  I'll come by during lunch break to pick them up.  [Giselle hangs up.]

TIP

Don't put so much trust in your Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer so that you don't think on your own.  Think about what you are doing.  Ask your lawyer questions.  Read Everything!

Lastly, if your lawyer makes a mess as was done in this case, don't be afraid to fire him or her before the mess gets so big that your divorce could never be cleaned up.

ISSUES IN THIS SCENARIO

There are several issues that present themselves here.

First, Giselle trusted the lawyer a bit too much to act in her best interests.  She trusted her lawyer so much that she didn't even bother to read divorce documents that she was signing under oath.  That is a huge mistake on her part.

Second, Giselle shouldn't count on the fact that she paid a decent amount of money to Attorney Melatonin to be her security that her attorney is doing things right in her divorce.  You are the client.  Things should proceed reasonably as you expect and as you request but that only works if you know what is going on and remain informed.

Third, even when you ask your questions and your attorney gives you the answers, don't be afraid to question those answers if your attorney has already done something that has caused a foreseeable mess that you didn't expect or agree to.

What do I mean by the third issue?  

Well, Attorney Melatonin wasn't fully truthful about the service of the divorce documents.  A plain clothes constable in a plain car could just as easily have served William without the traumatic problems that were caused.  William didn't need to be served at work either.  He could just as easily have been called and he might have agreed to meet the constable at a comfortable location for William.  Using a Rhode Island Constable might have kept things reasonably amicable.

Also, there is no set "template" for wording that must be used for men or women when it comes to divorce.  The wording was present because Attorney Melatonin may have a template she uses but to say it's a standard template is rather deceptive.  Attorney Melatonin should have taken the time to go through all the divorce papers with the client and explained the wording and significance with Giselle.

Thankfully, in my humble opinion, Giselle made the right call by terminating Attorney Melatonin.  She should have been told about the options for service of the divorce papers on William.  Giselle also shouldn't have been told its a template.  That very fact that Giselle fired her attorney due to her anger over the situation is likely to calm William back down because it will show him how upset she is with the way William was treated.

Summary

 1.  Think.
 2.  Question.
 3.  Read.

Realize that no one is in a better position than you to protect your own interests. 

I'm Attorney Christopher A. Pearsall and I am "The Rhode Island Divorce Coach."

My Sincere Wishes to All Who Go Before the Rhode Island Family Court,

Chris

Affordable RI Divorces are The Future of Rhode Island as Today's Poor Economy Lends a Helping Hand!

If a Rhode Island divorce is in your future, wouldn't you rather be an economical one?  Of course, it only makes common sense.

Why not do it yourself?  Don't think you can?  Hogwash!  It's possible.  

Is it possible in EVERY case?  No, it isn't.  Some divorces require a divorce lawyer's expertise and representation.  This could be for any number of reasons.  It could relate to issues regarding the children, the assets, the debts or perhaps the attitudes of the parties.  Yet wouldn't it make sense to know if your case requires representation or not?

The vast majority of uncontested Rhode Island divorces can be handled by the parties themselves with just a little coaching.

So how do you find out?  

Give me a call and set up an affordable Rhode Island Divorce Coaching Session. 

Is it free?  No, it isn't. It's a session I've been offering for almost 4 years as of the writing of this article and it has been a tremendous success.

Why?

All you need to do is look at both the Rhode Island and the National economy.  Our country is hurting.  Friends and colleagues all over the state and the country are losing their jobs or closing their businesses.  Unemployment is rising out of control.  The US Dollar is losing value.  President O'Bama is trying to extend unemployment payment periods again and again and again to keep families alive.  Landmark businesses that have been around for over 100 years are closing their doors forever. Families are falling apart due to major financial stresses.  This is not my opinion.  I see it on the news.  It's in our newspapers.  It's all over the internet.  It's a national condition that is so great that it can't be hidden.

People like you need affordable alternatives in divorce situations.  People like you don't just WANT it!  They NEED it!  So here I am as a Rhode Island lawyer presenting an innovative concept that works and it's an AFFORDABLE way to get through a Rhode Island Divorce.

My alternative is called Rhode Island Divorce Coaching.

Does this sound bad to you?  I developed a program that helps families get from the beginning to the end of their divorce affordably, the family unit is usually kept intact, and you spend a small amount of money at intervals that meet your budget, learn something new and achieve something you can be proud of.  

The Rhode Island Divorce Coaching concept is intended for substantially uncontested divorces and works best with spouses who do not want to literally kill each other and can still communicate with each other.  This program has helped countless people.  It has helped the Rhode Island Family Court by making sure people aren't going into court wasting the court's time because they don't know what the heck they are supposed to do or without having thought through the important aspects of their divorce.  Best of all it has helped keep the family unit intact, especially for the children.

In truth, I have not enjoyed Rhode Island Divorce and Family Law practice.  I get to see the worst of too many people, especially when a bitter divorce spirals out of control.  If you've ever worked at something that you hate doing, you know that it certainly isn't enjoyable to spend most of your day doing something that doesn't particularly make you happy. 

Rhode Island Divorce Coaching has brought a change to my practice.  In the last 3 1/2+ years I have received 100 times more testimonials and thank you cards from divorce coaching clients than I have from clients I represent.  The fact is that representation usually means a client sees himself or herself headed for conflict in their divorce proceeding but divorce coaching clients are usually looking at a smooth and amicable divorce proceeding in comparison.  

Let's just say that now I make much less money but the testimonials, thank you cards, and pictures of my client's children at Christmas make all the difference and they are worth more than any amount of money they could pay me for my services.

Consider it!  A little education, a little investment in your future and the likelihood that you are going to avoid the anxiety and stress that goes with divorce full of conflict.  That doesn't sound so bad now does it?

I'm The Rhode Island Divorce Coach and I'm here to help.

My Best Wishes to All for a Joyous and Safe Holiday Season!

Uncontested Rhode Island Divorces - More People Try to Represent Themselves but It's Getting More Difficult!

More and more Rhode Island divorces are being filed by people trying to represent themselves ("Pro Se") to save money.  But if the truth be told it's getting harder than ever to do so.  Here are just three (3) reasons why representing yourself in an uncontested divorce is getting harder.

1)  One Rhode Island Divorce Hurdle - Disclosing your finances in a divorce is no longer accomplished by a quickly filed Statement of Assets and Liabilities which was once made up of the front and back of one sheet of paper.  Now the form has to be on Green paper.  Yes, it must be on green paper or it will be rejected.  Why?  I have no idea.  I have asked clerks, assistant clerks, and even one member of what I have understood to be the committee or commission set up to recreate this very old form in the Rhode Island divorce practice why it is now green.  So far no one has an answer for me.  Perhaps it's to make it more easily locatable by the judges and court personell?  Maybe it has to be on green paper because it relates to money matters and when we think of money we think of green.

Whatever the reason, the idea is that it can be downloaded from the internet and filled in using the Microsoft Excel program and it will perform automatic calculations for you.  But here's the catch to using this great online tool.  First, it's now nine (9) pages long.  Now, if you happen to have 9 pages of mint green paper laying around your house to print out your DR-6 Statement of Assets and Liabilities then good for you.  But short of buying a whole ream of paper at Staples when you only need 9 papers of the stuff, you're probably going to buy a bunch of green paper you don't need only to go through the frustation of filling out the less than clear form which I noted has some calculation and clarification issues that upon my inquiry the committee has no intention of addressing.  For those people who have any amount of assets, the form can be both confusing and time-consuming.  

2) The Second Rhode Island Divorce Hurdle - No more handwriting your documents.  I noted that a few of the Rhode Island Family Court Clerk's windows still had signs up showing that documents had to be legibly handwritten or they must be typed.  You should disregard the signs because the powers that be in the Providence Family Court have informed me that handwritten divorce packets will not be accepted.  That is not to say that no handwritten documents will be accepted at all, but don't plan on handwriting everything.  So folks, typing is no longer optional.  So plan on typing your Rhode Island divorce documents.  You can do it yourself via some good typing skills from school or typing it via the hunt and peck method of typing or perhaps even paying someone else to type it.

3) The Third Rhode Island Divorce Hurdle - This hurdle isn't as new as the others.  Yet if you are intending to represent yourself in your Rhode Island divorce, then you better plan on it.  The Judges in family court are not there to counsel you.  They are not there to lead you through the divorce proceeding.  They are not there to ask you the questions that give them the right answers so they can hear what they need to hear.  They have a responsibility to hear your case.  However, you and your spouse have the obligation of presenting your case in the manner in which it is expected to be presented as if you went to law school and knew what you were doing.  I know of a few judges who occasionally do help people through their divorce by asking a few questions.  Sometimes those questions are just the bare basics.  Many times people DO NOT realize that even though the judge may be helping them, those questions most likely do not cover everything in your relationship, your divorce, your children, your assets, your debts, your possessions, your former name, your healthcare, etc...  So what happens if something isn't addressed?  I can't tell you because everyone's case is different... but the truth is that if something important isn't addressed then all hell is likely to be unleashed later.

Know what to say at your own divorce hearing.  

Know the questions you should have thought over and have the answers to.  

Know if your answers are acceptable to the court, BEFORE you go into court.  

Know what you and your spouse agree to.  

Ultimately, if you are going to represent yourself, DO NOT expect on the JUDGE to do it for you!  

Remember, the Rhode Island Family Court judge is NOT your divorce attorney.  The judge's job is not to protect your interests or your spouse's interests.  

So, if things fall apart now or in the future, remember that you can't go back and blame the court.  

2011 was a unique year for my Rhode Island divorce focused law practice.  About 24 percent of all the cases I handled were spent fixing issues that people representing themselves.  Keep in mind that I'm a lawyer who advocates people representing themselves if they are willing to do it right and get just a little bit of coaching.

In the end, in several cases where I had to play "Mr. Fix It", it cost the people more money for me to fix the issues than it would have cost if they had just called me and had just a little bit of coaching to get through their divorce properly.  It really is true that an ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure.

Divorces are part of life... YOUR LIFE!  They are important.  If you have assets, debts, real estate, children, . . . . just ONE of these factors is worth getting some coaching to get you through the divorce correctly.

If you can't find a way to pay $135 for some coaching to get through your divorce properly then you should re-think getting any legal help because that is peanuts compared to what it costs for representation by an experienced Rhode Island lawyer who knows his and/or her way around the family court.

I'm here to help you.  I'm here to guide you through, over, around and under the hurdles if need be.  I live, eat and breathe divorce in the Rhode Island family court system.  It is my entire Rhode Island law practice.   I want to help people have more uncontested divorces because it helps the parties, it helps the children, it helps the courts, and it helps our society as a whole.  

In the end, I may get to pay part of a bill from what I make on my coaching and that is it.  I don't offer coaching for the money.  I know just as well as any other lawyer that representing clients is where the real money is.  

Yet I still offer Rhode Island Divorce Coaching.  Why?  I don't do it for the money.  I do it for the PEOPLE!  I do it for YOU!  Does it sound ridiculous because you think all Rhode Island divorce lawyers just charge too much and they are all there to screw everyone over?  

Think again.  The fact is... sometimes it only takes one person to make a difference and if I happen to be the only one then so be it.  That's okay because I know one person can make a difference.  I'm going to make a difference if it kills me.

Yes, I'm Christopher A. Pearsall.  I'm a Rhode Island attorney focusing my Rhode Island practice exclusively in the area of Rhode Island Divorce.  

I am "The Rhode Island Divorce Coach" and I'm here to help and here to stay!

Happy Holidays to All for a Happy and Safe Holiday Season!