Rhode Island Divorce Tips by Attorney Chris Pearsall

A Lawyer who Hates Lawyers? What is this RI Divorce Lawyer Really Saying?

Today, I am a Rhode Island lawyer focusing my practice on divorce and divorce coaching.  Looking back decades ago I remember another lawyer who had been practicing in another state for some 40+ years who said something that perplexed me.

* * * Remembering the Lawyer who Hated Lawyers! * * *

The lawyer was about as true, honorable, and generous a gentleman as I have ever met.  He had all the qualities I envisioned a good lawyer would have.  He truly cared about each of his clients.  He fought for each one within the bounds of the law, within his professional code of ethics, and with a high degree of morality. The lawyer knew that I greatly admired him as both a person and as a lawyer.

One extremely hot summer afternoon this lawyer returned to his office after losing a district court hearing.  He plopped himself down in the chair at the opposite end of the short conference room table I was sitting at in his office law library.  His secretary nervously brought him a lemonade and napkin then quickly skirted out of the room.  There was an endless silence.  

Finally, I spoke, 

Chris:  "I'm considering becoming a lawyer."

The lawyer lifted his head, wiped his brow with a napkin, grabbed a nearby law book and flung it across his law library breaking the law book's spine.

It was one of the first times I had ever seen this man so upset.

I was quiet until the lawyer spoke.

Lawyer:  I HATE LAWYERS!

This time the pause was endless yet I was just too puzzled not to speak.

Chris:  "I don't understand!?!  You ARE a lawyer."

The lawyer was quiet again, so I asked it as a question.

Chris:  "How can you hate lawyers when you ARE one? 

The lawyer waited quite awhile before speaking.

Lawyer:  Chris, if you're anything like me, you'll understand when you get there. 

The conversation ended.

* * * 20 Years Later We Agree * * *

I've been working in the legal field now for more than 20 years since that conversation.  

As a Rhode Island lawyer, I am bound by a Professional Code of Ethical Conduct among other things.  There are things that I shouldn't say or do and there are things that I can't say or do despite the right to Free Speech guaranteed to all of us by the United States Constitution.  The layperson would be amazed. 

* * * A Message for Roger * * *

For a point of reference only, the lawyer's name was Roger.

Hopefully he's still alive and hopefully he is in tune enough with today's "internet" that he reads this article.

First, to this great lawyer.

Roger, I was like you.  I understand!

* * * A Message for Readers * * *

Now, to my readers I offer this.

You may not understand this statement until you meet with me.

If you like lawyers, you probably won't like me.

With that said, I can tell you that as a Rhode Island Lawyer who has focused my practice exclusively in the area of divorce and family law, I cannot make your problems go away.  No lawyer can!  Yet some lawyers may tell you they can to get you as a client.

Lawyers can't make your problems go away because fundamentally they are your problems.  Only you can take responsibility for those challenges in your life.  Only you truly have the power to resolve those challenges by your decisions.

However, I can tell you that I can help you understand and get through your Rhode Island divorce or family law challenges by working with you either as your Coach or as your Representative.

* * *  Your Divorce Coaching Program * * *

Roger's words were invaluable.  Today, they are the powerful force motivating the continued growth of your Family Law Coaching program.  

I call it Your Program because it is designed specifically for you.  It is designed to teach you, train you, advise you, inform you, and save you time and money in the areas of divorce and family law.

As Your Coaching Program continues to evolve, it will continue to work faster for you, become more economical for you, and become more helpful for you.

Whatever you choose to believe, there is one thing you can know with certainty. I am one lawyer trying to make a difference for YOU with a new and innovative way of practice designed by hard work, my belief that you can do more than you believe you can at this moment, and your willingness to be open to something new that works. 

What can Your Coaching Program help you with?  Here is a brief list . . .

Rhode Island Divorces & Legal Separations, Rhode Island Child Support Establishment, Modifications, Collections and Terminations, Rhode Island Child Custody Matters and Child Custody Modifications, Rhode Island Petitions to Enforced Marital Settlement Agreements and Property Settlement Agreements, Preparing Pre-Nuptual Agreements and Ante-Nuptual Agreements in Rhode Island, RI Petitions to Move Out of State with Minor Children, Petitions to Establish Paternity in Rhode Island, Rhode Island Motions to Adjudge In Contempt and Defense of those Contempt Motions, Protection from Abuse Petitions and Defense Against Such Petitions, Rhode Island Motions and Petitions to Establish, Modify or Terminate Visitation, RI Common Law Divorces and their Defense, Rhode Island Legal Rights, Rhode Island Family Court Procedures, 2nd Opinions about your Attorney on Rhode Island Divorce Cases, Pro Se Representation (i.e. Representing Yourself Appropriately in Family Court), and many more . . . 

Look for the Testimonials Section about Your Coaching Program which is coming soon.  Feel Free to Call Me for a low-cost Coaching Session!

Attorney Christopher A. Pearsall - Phone: (401) 632-6976

Rhode Island Divorce Attorney: What Affect Might an Affair have on your Divorce?

Question:  I had an affair before I filed for divorce.  If the judge finds out about the divorce what might happen?

Answer:  Divorce may be based upon irreconcilable differences or may be fault-based under Rhode Island Law.  A divorce case may be filed based upon adultery.  Thus, an affair may play a part in your divorce proceeding.  However, the role the affair may play in your divorce will be directly related to the circumstances and the timing of the affair. 

Consider these two diverse examples:

Example No. 1 - John & Tina

John and Tina have been married for 20 years and have two children.  The second child turns 19 and goes off to college.  Unbeknownst to Tina, John has been unhappy for hears and has considered divorcing her for years because they have had virtually no relationship.  However, before John files for divorce he gets a promotion at his job and meets a woman who makes him feel alive again.  He begins to see this woman for two months and then files for divorce and immediately moves out of the house.

In this instance, what role does the affair play?  If Tina discovers that the infidelity began two months before John filed for divorce she might assume that this "other woman" and this "affair" are the cause of the marital breakdown and file a counterclaim for divorce alleging infidelity.  If Tina insists on going forward with the counterclaim for divorce based on adultery, it is possible that her counterclaim will be denied if the family court judge hears John testify that he was unhappy for years and merely stayed together for the sake of their children and it was only by fate that he ran into a woman who made him feel alive again.  If the judge believes John and believes that divorce was inevitable, then Tina should not prevail on her claim of adultery because Tina has not shown the affair was the actual cause of the breakdown of the marriage.

[Exerpt]  To read the full article go to AttorneyPearsall.com

Authored by:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
PEARSALL LAW ASSOCIATES
571 Pontiac Avenue
Cranston, RI  02910
Phone:  (401) 354-2369

Attorney Pearsall's practice is focused almost exclusively in the areas of Divorce and Family law.

NOTE:  The postings on this website are NOT legal advice, DO NOT create an attorney/client relationship and are NOT a substitute for a detailed consultation with an attorney experienced in the state where you have your legal issue.  This site is based on Rhode Island and is presented for the convenience of the internet public.

* The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all lawyers in the general practice of law and has no procedure for recognition of specialty in any area of law.

Rhode Island Divorce - Dating and When to Start

Though I am a Rhode Island Divorce Attorney, you don't have to have any experience in law whatsoever to know your own heart.  Now, let me preface this article by saying that I am not advocating dating before your divorce is finalized.  In fact, depending upon which judge you go before in the Rhode Island Family Court System, their philosophies on adultery vary and it could very well affect the outcome of your divorce in more ways than one.

Consider the case below:

Brad and Linda are getting divorced.  Brad files for divorce and Linda files a counter-claim for divorce both in March of 2008.  They have two children, both girls, namely Gretta who is 12 and Lisa who is 10.  Due to the constant arguing Brad moves out of the house and goes to stay with family members.  Immediately Brad is seen by his daughters as the "bad guy" because he filed for divorce and because he left the house.  Linda is very angry about the divorce and hires an attorney who causes the divorce to drag on for months.  It is now July 2008 and the divorce has been pending for about five months.   Brad meets up with a young lady while bowling with a friend one evening and they become friends.   The relationship quickly escalates into a dating relationship and as the divorce continues to drag on Brad ends up sleeping with his new girlfriend and then moves in with her.

Linda’s attorney files a Motion to Amend her counterclaim for divorce to a divorce based on adultery.  Brad's attorney objects, however the motion is granted.

In this particular case, family law attorneys differ in the advice they would give. 

Some attorneys would counsel Brad not to date anyone or get involved with a new relationship until the divorce is complete.  Other attorneys would advise Brad that any relationship he has with any other woman, regardless if intercourse is involved, should be discreet.  Finally, other attorneys would advise that a casual relationship with a female is acceptable as long as it is discreet and Brad does not have intercourse with another woman until after the Final Judgment of Divorce has entered.

These varying pieces of advice arise because an opposing party could use the information to make Brad look like a cheater and not worth trusting.  This of course could affect the credibility of Brad's testimony before the court.  The argument could also be made that this new woman in Brad's life was the cause of the breakdown of the marriage and therefore Brad should get a lesser apportionment of the marital assets or a greater assignment of the marital debts.

As individuals, we often follow our heart and not simply the practical advice of our attorneys.  The heart does not know the of the law and frankly doesn't care. 

Divorce is generally the division of a relationship that doesn't work and involves two unhappy hearts.  It is human nature that we all strive for happiness and avoid unhappiness.  Many times the very fact that we have machinations such as the divorce process is a testament to the fact that legal mechanisms exist to allow us to continue with our lives separate and apart from the other person we married. 

As individuals, our journey to find happiness may not necessarily follow the same timeline as the court's divorce schedule.  With divorce hearings that may be prolonged and cause a person to be married to another person much longer than they wish to be married to that person, is it any wonder that there is a varying moral standard among many individuals about what is "cheating" on your spouse and even "when" it is considered "cheating" on your spouse.

If Brad separates from his wife for 6 months while they try to save their marriage and he comes to the conclusion the marriage is not going to work, and then he sleeps with another woman the following month, has he cheated on his wife?

If Brad files for divorce and not intending to he falls in love 3 months later and sleeps with the woman, has he cheated on his wife?

Is cheating a matter of law or a matter of the heart?

If Brad’s heart no longer has love for his wife but he finds another person he cares for, can he be considered cheating at all?

If cheating is based upon his wife Linda’s continued love for him and they get divorced and Brad finds someone else as Linda continues to pine for him, is Brad cheating?

These are but questions to ponder for those faced with these situations.

Authored by:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
PEARSALL LAW ASSOCIATES
571 Pontiac Avenue
Cranston, RI  02910
Phone:  (401) 354-2369

NOTE:  The postings on this website are NOT legal advice, DO NOT create an attorney/client relationship and are NOT a substitute for a detailed consultation with an attorney experienced in the state where you have your legal issue.  This site is presented for the convenience of the internet public.

* The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all lawyers in the general practice of law and has no procedure for recognition of specialty in any area of law.

Rhode Island Divorce Lawyer: Love, Marriage and Divorce

When you meet someone sometimes it's fate that you fall in love and get married. 

Love and marriage tend to follow one another unless it's a marriage of convenience for reasons other than love.

Let's assume that we have a couple that fall in love because they truly care about each other, respect each other and have a genuine and caring relationship for each other's well-being.

Further, let's say that the marriage breaks down for this couple after 10 years.   There's no cheating going on.  The husband talks to his wife and explains that the relationship isn't the same anymore, they don't talk like they used to, they aren't getting ahead financially and they have different priorities in life.

The husband files for divorce and suddenly the wife goes nuts.  She starts stalking him, running up credit card bills that have his name on them, following him to find out who the "other woman" must be.  The wife began doing everything in her power to delay the divorce proceedings, financially injure her husband, and withheld visitation from her husband with their children.

It is regrettable that as a practicing Rhode Island Family Law Attorney that I see this all too often, particularly from women who feel rejected or scorned.

It is important that in today's times of animosity, broken homes and children taking to the streets we try to preserve the family relationships that exist in a positive manner.

Grief counseling and individual counseling with marriage therapists is often very helpful and I highly recommend it to those people having trouble "letting go" or find their behavior or thought patterns becoming somewhat obsessive.

A consideration that all spouses may want to consider is this:  If you truly fell in love with your spouse and you cared for their well being, wouldn't you want that spouse to be happy?   

If you really consider it, even though it may hurt that your spouse did not find happiness with you, wouldn't you want him or her to be happy even if it means that spouse is single or with someone else?

After all, if you truly loved, respected or even wanted the best for someone in their life (which I have to imagine you did if you married the person)  wouldn't you want him or her to be happy.

Then why do people treat their spouses so poorly in divorce actions.  Does the angry spouse expect that their spouse should only be happy with them?

It is very hard to move on from the relationships we expected to last forever.  Divorce is something that most of us never want to discuss or visit.

If you reach that point, where divorce is the only recourse you have or your spouse has because the relationship is no longer working for either of you, it is best to try to remember that you married this person.  Yet not only that you married him or her but that there were somekind of feelings, caring and respect when you married them.

So if or when divorce ever arises in your life, keep your dignity and respect the dignity of your spouse.  Push the bitterness aside as much as you can and take the higher road.  Divorce is merely a return to being a single individual again without that exact person as your spouse anymore. 

Perhaps your soulmate is right around the corner.

Perhaps this marriage was to prepare you for something greater and more wonderful than you can possible imagine that has not yet occurred.

Your happiness is key.  Taking your divorce to a level of vengeance, arguing, bickering, blaming yourself or jealousy merely prolongs the amount of time it takes you to get to your happiness.

Be good to yourself.  Get your divorce over and done with.  Move on.  Most of all.... BE HAPPY !!

Authored by:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
PEARSALL LAW ASSOCIATES
571 Pontiac Avenue
Cranston, RI  02910
Phone:  (401) 354-2369

NOTE:  The postings on this website are NOT legal advice, DO NOT create an attorney/client relationship and are NOT a substitute for a detailed consultation with an attorney experienced in the state where you have your legal issue.  This site is presented for the convenience of the internet public.

* The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all lawyers in the general practice of law and has no procedure for recognition of specialty in any area of law.

Rhode Island Divorce: What is Condonation?

Brad and Sandy have been married for 12 years.  Brad feels a bit neglected by Sandy who has been
spending the vast majority of her time with the kids.  Brad tells Sandy that it's bothering him
and that he feels that they need more quality time.

Sandy continues to spend the vast majority of time that she has available with their children.  Brad
starts working out at Gold's Gym in his spare time and meets Katie, a slim blonde haired
aerobics instructor.  They strike up a friendship and as the months continue with Sandy spending
time with the children Brad strays and has a hot evening with Katie.

Sandy finds out about it and is heartbroken.  Brad talks to her and reminds her that this might
not have happened if she had been a bit more receptive to spending time with him.  Sandy starts thinking
about all the times Brad tried to spend time with her and realizes she's been preoccupied with the
children a bit.  She and Brad talk things out and rather than kick him out she allows him to remain
in the house, continues to share the same bed with him and has more regular intercourse with Brad.

Brad, however, likes the way it feels when he works out and he bought a 2 year membership to
Gold's Gym so he keeps going to that gym.  Of course, Katie is still at Gold's Gym because
she works there.  Sandy finds out that it was Katie from the gym that Brad slept with.  She
is furious and demands that Brad quit the gym.

Brad has told Katie there's nothing between them and Brad hasn't made any advances at all.

Still, Sandy is very upset and doesn't want Brad around Katie.  Brad won't quit the gym as she demands.  Sandy changes the locks on the house and files a Complaint for Divorce in the Providence Rhode Island Family Court alleging infidelity.

Here's the problem:  Sandy has participated in condonation.  By taking Brad back after the affair and particularly by having intercourse with him as husband and wife, she has condoned his actions and essentially nullified any basis they have for the actual breakdown of the marriage.

Thus, condonation is when one spouse, who is aware of the infidelity of another spouse, takes
that spouse back and has intercourse as if the marital relationship had never broken down.

Condonation is a defense to a complaint for divorce based on infidelity that occurred before the spouses
got back together.

Authored by:

Christopher A. Pearsall, Esquire
PEARSALL LAW ASSOCIATES
571 Pontiac Avenue
Cranston, RI  02910
Phone:  (401) 354-2369

NOTE:  The postings on this website are NOT legal advice, DO NOT create an attorney/client relationship and are NOT a substitute for a detailed consultation with an attorney experienced in the state where you have your legal issue.  This site is presented for the convenience of the internet public.

* The Rhode Island Supreme Court licenses all lawyers in the general practice of law and has no procedure for recognition of specialty in any area of law.