Today will be a hard day for many parents. I know because it is a hard day for me. Holidays are always the hardest for an absentee parent.
What is an absentee parent? I have personally defined an absentee parent who wants to be part of his children's lives but for reasons ranging from alienation of your children by the attitude of an angry spouse to no longer wanting to see you for reasons unknown to you.
This is a concept that I have not heard used but it is one I have unfortunately come to know all too well.
For year after year my days were flooded with memories of my children running through my head.
If you are a parent sitting home today without seeing your children or knowing that in any way your children, love you, think of you, or appreciate the sacrifices you made for them and you miss them terribly, then know that I know your pain.
I became an absentee parent before I learned the hard lessons and before seeing all the things I have seen as a Rhode Island lawyer focusing my practice in divorce.
Divorce whether contested or uncontested is only one of the reasons behind becoming an absentee parent. Yet it is neither a productive nor a happy thought of any parent sitting in a chair miserable as holiday's pass and you miss them.
We, as parents, can only do what we can do. We cannot control those things that are out of our control. You cannot control the mind and decisions of your children. We can only do what we can do and control our own actions.
Sometimes we are forced to let go for the sake of our sanity and our health, otherwise we damn ourselves to countless horrible holidays with mindless, senseless mental torture to things due to things outside our control.
We cannot turn back the clock and change the past. We cannot convince a person of the truth of they will not listen. We can rarely undo a poisoned mind or the mind of a child raised with bitterness toward us for reasons unknown to us.
I wish everyone a Happy Easter, including absentee parents! I hope you find this article and realize that sometimes we do and say everything in our power as parents to love and support our children.
Sometimes you can do nothing to prevent your own alienation.
Today is a day of renewal and rebirth. Renew in yourself the idea that you are a good person.
All you can expect of yourself is to do all that you can do! The truth is that bad and painful things happen to good people.
There is nothing wrong in accepting the truth of that. Yet simply because you have pushed yourself to your limit and still remain an absentee parent does not mean that you have failed or are a failure.
We all deserve to live and be happy.
Happy Easter! Live, Love and Be Happy!
All my Best to You on this Easter 2012,
From Attorney Christopher A. Pearsall, "The Rhode Island Divorce Coach"
